Speaking Life: June 2015

I have sat here staring at the blank page for long enough. Blogging isn't a love of mine but I do want to remember things and to look back and see how far they have come. In April we was blessed by the body of Christ with an adoption shower for Shane and Selah. I wish everyone could of saw their faces when I came home with everything and said our friends say welcome to America. Thank you for blessing them in this way! The last couple months has brought much settling to the family. Everyone finding their new place and starting to act like brothers and sisters. It has been nice to find the new normal. I think the hardest thing is being on 24/7 for me. It causes trauma for Selah when I leave but I need a break. Hopefully this will improve as she learns that we are here for her and she's not going any where.

Lots has happened with Shane the last couple months. The biggest thing being taking his oath of citizenship to become an American. Since he turned 14 in country he was required to do that unlike Selah who became a citizen when we landed on American soil. He and 7 others became citizens June 4th. It was quite the ceremony which I had somewhat prepared him for as much as I knew. He was the only one who didn't know much English. I look back at that day and realize how brave he is all over again. He took a pledge he didn't even understand but yet just trusted that it was going to be okay. I bought him a t-shirt with an American flag the next day which he was so delighted about. He was excited to become an American. Amazing! One of our favorite things to do is roll out a Ch*nese map and let him talk if he will. One time I found out things that didn't line up with the information we was given in China. No surprise there! We did make it to Seattle to spend a weekend with Lily and Sally before Lily began her treatment. You can read about Lily's journey here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilycrist/journal Shane enjoyed seeing her, talking chinese, and seeing the city even through its nothing compared to a city of 15 million. On Mothers Day we helped S & S plant a yellow rose in memory of both of their birth moms who chose life. Selah had no clue what was going on but Shane knew and had some sadness that day in his eyes. One thing we have been working on with him is emotions. Someone told me that the Ch*nese are trained to not show emotions and I believe it to be so. This young man has shown hardly anything since gotcha day. I told him it's okay to be sad when I was taking away some Ch*nese books that we didn't want him to read any more to which he said no emotions. I in turn said everyone has emotions to which he denied. So we have aways to go on that! Some fun things we have done with him is experience his first hair cut at a salon where we spiked his hair and showed it to him as a joke. I think he thought we were crazy. He picked me a flower when he was at the field with Andrew. He brought it in and laid it on the table and didn't say anything. I came along and thought where did this dried up thing come from and was getting ready to toss it when Brogan said that's from Shane to you. He's so shy which brings up talking. He rarely ever says a word. Can you imagine not speaking much for 4 months? I'm somewhat of an introvert but that sounds painful to me. He has been dealing with lower back pain which he did tell us about (yay!!) and we feel like is largely due to being tense all the time from wanting to be perfect and then poor reading posture. Another first was willingly going on a youth group outing for lunch and then on to ride go carts. We have been making him go to youth once a week but leave the weekends for his choice. That was exciting to see him be brave enough to say yes. Then there was family pictures and individual pictures. He was ready for a new picture of himself since all I had was one of him in an orphanage uniform. He did well with the experience unlike Selah but laughs every time he sees the pictures of himself. I just tell him mom likes your pictures which makes him smile. At the 2 month post I mentioned that he said he knew how to swim. Well since getting our pool opened we realized the yes was not right. He will get in but not put his face under. So we have private lessons planned in July for both. Hoping that goes well since Selah asks about every day with a little concern in her voice. Another big thing we have been working on is deciding about school next year and where to place him. He has no desire at this point to stay home for schooling and we are okay with that as long as the family attachment isn't hindered to much. So we did touring of the schools, testing, and talking to a Mandarin speaking teacher and have decided that he will attend Chiwana High School as a freshmen in the fall unless things go backward over the summer. This is a whole new experience for us and some days feels overwhelming with being pulled in so many different directions with schooling all the kids. Right now he's excited to go in the fall but was super excited to be done for the summer. Now that he doesn't have a schedule with school it has created a different situation of nothing to do and boredom. So I'm currently working on a detailed schedule for each day of the week for him. These kids need to be told what to do and when since that is all they know from orphanage behavior. I want to give him more time on his own as the summer progresses to make good decisions of things to do but right now I cant handle a young man sleeping 4-5 hours through the day or buried in Ch*nese books. I really think he enjoys having things to do but just doesn't know what to do on his own. As I'm typing this Andrew and the boys went on a father son camping trip. Shane was super excited to go but often what happens with new things is he will get there and be overwhelmed with newness and shutdown even more. It continues to be a challenge for all of us to know how much to push him out of the nest or let him stay by our side. For the most part he has just been Andrew & I's tail everywhere we go that's new and even things we have been doing for months. He has yet to make any friends. Lots of boys have reached out to him but it's still to scary. So the big things right now with him is communication, schedule, and to have a friend.

Well Selah has learned to talk and like we suspected she talks all the time. She is understanding most of what we say and is speaking a lot too. She isn't shy about trying words and sighs when I tell her I don't understand what she's saying. Her favorite phrases are what's that or I don't know over and over and over and over!!! I will be honest by 8:00pm I'm ready to lock myself in my bedroom because mentally I'm shot. I remind myself it's a good thing. How else will she learn? In April we celebrated her 8th birthday with a retro Raggedy Ann cake. She laughed every time she walked by the cake. Her and Shane laugh at a lot of things that feel like they are making fun of it or us but who knows. She chose pizza for her birthday meal which has been a miracle. Both of these Chinese kiddos like cheese which is something they probably didn't have in country. We bought her a baby doll for her birthday but like everything else it lasts for an hour at best and then is forgotten. She is learning to play better all the time. Legos seem to entertain her for the longest time so far. She doesn't like to miss out on anything that the boys do and so I have to keep her in my sights at all times. She doesn't have great hand eye coordination yet so most times she cant do what they do but determination will take you a LONG way. Another new thing is showing affection. I have no idea if this comes from the heart or just acting out what she sees but it's a start. She has a really sweet personality and is full of life. Someone has spent time with her through the years that much I do know. She has started to open up some about Ch*na and her life there the best she can with limited language. Things have come out that I wondered about when I met the foster parents. My heart breaks for her. So glad she is with us and can heal with time. We did find her best friend which had been adopted in America a few months earlier than her. She lives in Kansas. Selah talks of her everyday and named her baby after her. It would be so fun to connect them again sometime. Her favorite thing right now is having pony tails in her hair. She runs and gets her Ch*na photo book and shows me her hair was short in country and then points to her hair now which has grown a lot. I'm pretty sure that she has never had longer hair since they usually keep it short for simplicity. And yes she looks in the mirror and laughs at herself when she sees the pony tails done but yet asks for them everyday. She is a good eater most days. One thing we deal with is food triggers that come out of no where. One morning she will eat oatmeal just fine and then another morning not happening. It always happens at breakfast. Still haven't figured that one out yet. Breakfast is hard because there hardly any choice of food she really likes besides spicy noodle cups. So her and Carson can be the best of buds or worst enemies. Sounds like a brother sister relationship! He likes to pick on her because he will get a response. Something else we did was take S & S to a trampoline park. It was a success with both. I love to experience new things with both of them. We have been learning with her that we can't go out to much or have people be in our home very long. In a VERY short amount of time with visitors I can no longer be called mom but Sherrie and she will not play on her own any more but just be on high alert about everything. It's hard because if we go out I pay a high price later or if I stay home while everyone else goes it's very lonely and depressing. Some behaviors that we are seeing with Selah is nervous scratching, wringing of hands, crying, and attention getting behaviors which can be a shock to some people since most of us aren't prepared for sexual suggestiveness from a 8 year old. My advice right now for people is to say hi or shake her hand if she wants to but then ignore her for the most part. She doesn't know what to do with attention from people yet so it ramps her up super fast. Another trigger is music during movies. We can go from a quiet girl playing legos to suggestive dancing in 5 seconds that will take while to calm down. It doesn't happen with worship music thankfully. Another thing we are trying to decide is schooling for next year for her. My plate is very full with teaching three dyslexic boys so we are thinking about placing her in public school kindergarten. Not sure since she has great anxiety being separated from me and then with all her attention getting behaviors if it will even work. Time will tell on that. Selah loves to get in our pool with a lifejacket and a float ring. She been being braver about getting her face wet. It will hopefully be exciting to see what she will do with swimming lessons. One thing I have learned with these kids is to never expect it to go as expected. I'm learning to prepare myself for the worst so it's a treat if it all goes well. So Selah's biggest needs right now is to learn we are safe and aren't going to leave her. I think she daily deals with the spirit of rejection. So thankful that we can pray for her and take authority over that spirit and then watch her walk in freedom for a bit. We believe that with time, love, and Jesus healing her heart she will walk in freedom from rejection. We believe Isaiah 61 for these kids. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; Isaiah 61:1b.

It has been a busy couple months for the rest of the family too. Farming is in full swing here which brings more new experiences such as manual labor and riding in tractors. School is finished for everyone. It has been a marathon year with involvement in two public school schedules and then homeschooling plus taking off a couple months for adjustment time. Malitany quit her Applebees job and is working at house cleaning and helping in orchards. Marissa graduated in May with her CNA license and has started the night shift at Richland Life Care with hopes to travel on the Mercy Ship next year. Brogan did his drivers training class and now has his permit. Branson is enjoying more responsibilities with farming jobs since Brogan has been working here and there for other farmers some. Carson continues to be the happy kid he always has been playing whatever by himself or tormenting Selah.