Speaking Life: One Year With Selah

Today marks a year that started off with a bang. I remember meeting Selah in a tiny room in the smoggy city of Hefei. She came roaring in full of energy and wouldn't stay put for more than five seconds. In those moments I remember thinking what have we got ourselves into. As the weeks and months have past her fiery personality has settled a lot and in it's place I see a scared little girl who has experienced a lot of trauma in her short life. She has a happy personality with a winning smile that wants to please. It has been so fun to watch her get stronger just by the determination to keep up with Carson. Summer brought lots new experiences like swimming lessons, jumping on a trampoline, riding in the tractor with dad, and just learning to be a little girl who can play with toys since there was no toys at her orphanage. Selah tried talking English almost immediately so naturally she spoke and understood so much faster than Shane. By late summer she hardly even recognized mandarin when spoken. I know several encouraged us to help her keep her language but easier said than done. When I would take her somewhere where Chinese was being spoken she often would cry or start glaring at me like I was the bad person. Not real good mother daughter bonding time so it was dropped. I have heard that if she wants to learn it again someday it should come pretty easy. One thing I often forget by her being so close to Carson in age is the fact that most days she functions more on the level of a 4-5 year old. Fall brought the decision to keep her home for school since she couldn't handle any change and I wanted her here. Sending her to school would of severely undermined all the ground I had worked months to gain. Another thing we did in October is move her into the girls room. At that time I made her a weighted blanket also. The combination of the two things has completely removed her restless leg kicking light sleep. Selah handled the holidays really well. She loved receiving gifts especially her panda pillow and baby doll. Now every time we go shopping she thinks she needs a gift. Sounds about like a normal child! An exciting happening has been her learning to play on her own more. I did a lot of play acting how to care for a baby since she had never saw one before and now she has been reenacting it. By now you are probably getting the picture that our journey with her has been a lot different than Shane's. It's why our agency strongly discouraged adopting two at once. My attachment to Shane was quicker than it has been with her. It many times feels like two steps forward and one back but it's progress! When your life has often been out of your control you grasp for every tiny bit of control you can find. We are learning together and will all be better because of it in the end. Selah loves food especially those spicy noodle cups that are so bad for you. Food is a comfort for her yet many times ends up being a show down of control. I really don't want her to eat as much food as the boys since she doesn't need it and she sees it as unfair. So a few times I have just let her eat all she wants and later she's miserable but it would take next to dying to admit it. We have yet to figure out how to balance four boys versus her. Everything is taken as unfair and that we love them more than her. If you are a praying person we desire prayers to understand how to reach her heart in a way that makes sense to her. I know outside of a creative miracle this is going to be a long hard fought road for her and us but we are willing to pray/fight for it. If there was a word that describes Selah it would be compassion. She loves to see people taken care of and cares about whether you have slept well or need a blanket or a foot rub. In wrapping up this first year with her we see many areas where God is working in her life and ours also to bring together healing for all. In our training before adoptions we were told you can only help these kids heal as far as you have been healed yourself. Thanks for praying and being involved in her life!