Coming Home

HOME what a wonderful sounding word.  Yesterday was quite the day starting with an email from Lifeline saying that paperwork was held up in Macau and we needed to prepare to be in country for a week longer than the last projected date.  Our hearts were so heavy with the responsibility left for our children at home and then the added cost of staying here.  So we left for Shane's orphange visit.  It was a 2 1/2 hour drive to Zhuhai.  Interesting farming communities along the way.  When we arrived at Zhuhai we ate the best Chinese food I've had here at a place that you prayed Mark 16 over yourself about if I eat any deadly thing it will not harm me.  The visit to the orphange went very good.  He seemed glad to visit but was glad to leave too.  While there we learned how sad he had became when he found out that maybe it wasn't going to work out for us to get him because of the half brother.  Also he was able to express that he really desired a mother since he hadn't ever had one.  On gotcha day I was told he didn't like women.  It is obvious that he was the spoiled child there at the orphange. So many people had to come tell him good-bye.  He wasn't sad to leave his foster mom.  Praise the Lord!  He came back last night and just fit right back in.  On our way back to the hotel we heard that half brother had showed up at Zhuhai with completed paperwork and did his interview.  He asked if he could meet with us in GZ before we travel and we have said yes.  The notary in Zhuhai stayed late and completed our documents.  When in country team reviewed them they found a mistake but it should all be fine for our CA on Monday.  Which brings us to the point that we can set a date to come home.  Also when we arrived back at our hotel we discovered that the toilet that wasn't working before we left had been repaired but blew you can imagine what all over the walls and the washer wasn't working either.  So at 9:15 we moved to room #3.  Then this morning I went to use the washer in our new room and it doesn't work either.  We paid extra for the apartment because we needed laundry facilities and now all this drama.  I guess our experience at The Garden hasn't been that great.  They say it's the best in China but our hotel in province was a better experience for us.  So we may have to move to room #4.  Really???  So ready for home!!

Frozen in time

First if there is mistakes in this post for some reason my blog settings are all Chinese characters for some reason.  It seems there is always something figure out or fix which I guess keeps us busy.  On Monday we went the pearl and jade markets and then on to a boring museum.  In the afternoon our air conditioner quit working and the washer door broke so we had to pack up and move to a new room which earned us two boxes of high end chocolates.  We have enjoyed being in a group with other adopting parents.  Everyone else is adopting kids 3 and under from Texas, Indiana, Alabama, Georgia, and Florida.  Tuesday we went to the zoo and then later we went out to dinner with friends we made in province from Tennessee.  Today we went to Shamian Island.  What a beautiful relaxing place it is there.  We will probably go back again since we was only allowed 2 hours there with our guide.  The exciting find of the day was a Chinese/English Bible for Shane.  He may wear a Buddha necklace and even have another spare one in his suitcase but he's hearing the gospel everyday.  Today we heard the latest drama with our paperwork for Shane.  Now the US consulate is asking for a third party to write a letter saying the 1/2 brother and aunt have signed off their rights.  The problem we are having is knowing who they will accept as a third party.  Lifeline is hoping to persuade the orphanage to write this letter and at this point we are thinking of offering cash for that service to them just so we can get out of the country.  We need to change our tickets by Friday so we need a schedule to be able to move forward with that.  Our time in country has been good but we are so ready to be home with all our kids.  We are praying and believe that Shane's CA can be Monday with Selah's so we can fly home Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.  We are now done with all the activities with our group since they are all heading home tomorrow or Friday.  We are planning an orphanage visit sometime when it works for our guide.  Also we are planning to go to the Chimelong Safari.  On Sunday hopefully we can find somewhere to go to church.  Yesterday while at the zoo our guide was talking to us about whether we should do an orphanage visit or not.  After we talked Shane walked up to the guide and said are we going to go the orphange which means he's understanding more of what we are saying.  Shane is doing really well.  He doesn't like to talk or use the translator so we can only guess what's going inside.  He doing better with Selah too.  Selah is bonding better especially with her baba (dad).   She spends a lot of time talking to herself probably because she's lonely for interaction.  Our hearts are longing for home but yet know we will miss this country that holds our children's culture.  Andrew also can't wait for good old American food.

Pictures!

 

 Selah's classroom.

 

 Goodbyes are always hard..

 Selah's foster parents,

 and foster siblings.

 The street where Selah was abandoned.

 Fresh fruit.

 Fresh meat anyone?!

 all is calm at the motel.. for now. ;)

 Excited to fly!

Meeting Mickey Mouse at the hotel.

 Her smile is infectious!

Catching up

Thursday morning we visited Selah's orphanage.  Very emotional day for her and me too.  I think it was the first time I cried in country and my family knows that's a miracle since I cry very easy.  She lived in a big orphanage probably a city block big.  We went to her classroom first where she was the only girl in her class.  Kind of explains the tomboy behavior.  Most of the kids in her class had special  needs and aren't even able to be adopted.  Makes your heart hurt because some of their special needs could be corrected in the states.  One thing I don't understand is why some can be adopted and others not.  At her orphanage they live in family units.  We went and visited with her foster parents and saw where she lived.  She was in a family with 5 other kids where she as the oldest and the only one without special needs.  Her foster dad loved her a lot and it was very obvious he spoiled her.  We know from our training that her living in a family setting will be a good thing since she will understand about love and family workings.  After being there it kind of explained why she likes Andrew better.  What she hasn't learned yet is that Andrew isn't a push over and she won't get extra favors from him.  She cried a lot which I'm told is closure for them and it's a good thing.  About 15 mins after leaving she was back to her spunky self and eating all her snacks she had collected at the orphanage.  That evening we went out to dinner with the only other English speaking adoptive family at our hotel.  Ordering food in Hefei was a challenge or should I say ending up with what you thought you ordered was a challenge.  It made for many good laughs.  Friday was spent packing, making a trip to Walmart which is a lot different than ours, and flying back to Guangzhou.  Selah talked with her new friend the whole flight and was super excited to fly.  What a blessing for us!  When arriving back in Guangzhou it felt like coming home.  Not near the smog here plus it's a beautiful city with lots of English speaking people.  It's called the flower city.  Last night we finally made our first visit to McDonalds.  In the states we never eat there but I will admit it tasted wonderful.  While there we met a man from Netherlands who started asking us questions about our adoption which led to sharing the Gospel with him.  He maybe didn't know it but it was a divine appointment. Today began with meeting our adoption group of four other families from Indiana, Texas, Florida, and Alabama.  Then it was on to get physicals done for all kids coming to America.  The dreaded day!  It's an office full of crying kids and doctors running everywhere.  Well we lived to tell about it!  Shane had to get several shots and after he got them he came out and told Selah she had to get a TB shot which set her to wailing.  He kept walking around holding his arm and acting like it hurt really bad which caused her to even be more scared.  And he thinks she's the only one who has drama!  After another McDonalds lunch where Selah refused to even taste her her cheeseburger even when drugged in ketchup we got all our consulate paperwork compiled.  At this point we are moving forward with a Feb 2 consulate appointment in hopes that Shane's half brothers paperwork will be in country.  If not we will need to stay until that is all cleared up.  Prayers for that are appreciated.  Today it also really was becoming more real how long we still have to be here yet.  We are missing our kids at home so much.  We listen to all the families in our group talk about when they get to go home and that makes it hard knowing we will be here with the next group.  Then this afternoon our guide came and spent an hour here helping communicate with Shane some boundaries with TV and making sure he's really interested in having family since he's been acting like he really didn't want one.  Things are better since the talk.  About an hour ago all three were having a ballon sword fight and jumping from bed to bed.  Music to
my ears!  Tomorrow we are going out shopping and a museum visit.  We are all doing good and working hard to become a family.  We feel so blessed to set back and watch God show off and work out everything perfectly.

Gone to the Zoo

  Yesterday Selah Grace Ruihe legally became ours.  It began with tears as she realized that her foster mom wasn't in the building like she had been yesterday when she was dropped off.  At that moment she got a look in her eyes that said "you aren't my mom" which is true but I'm as good as it's going to get for her.  She just doesn't know that yet and probably won't for months/years.  She's a little foot-stomping-firecracker with a big attitude and a I-can-do-it-myself-thank-you-very-much kind of girl.  In the afternoon Andrew took Shane and Branson on a walk to get away for a while.  Shane kind of rolls his eyes at all her girl drama and nonstop talking.  She did very well while everyone was gone.  We painted nails twice, did puzzles, blew bubbles, painted with water, and watched TV.  She has been sleeping well with little tears.  Praise the Lord!  Yesterday we went to a local museum where Shane enjoyed reading and seeing a lot of stuff after he got over the fact that he was missing his favorite TV show.  He is doing good just not communicating anything that he wants or needs yet.  Today we all slept in and Shane was able to FaceTime some Chinese boys in America and ask questions and get advice from them.  We was able to Skype our kids again which was wonderful to hear from home.  This morning I would have paid good money to have a fresh salad with fresh fruit that I knew was safe to eat.  Kind of hard to get excited about KFC when it's been your main food in province everyday.  This afternoon we opened a chocolate bar and now all is better.  We visited the zoo today where we was able to see a panda bear eating bamboo.  Makes you appreciate American zoos.  Nice place but the animals pens weren't good at all in comparison.  Selah had one melt down at the zoo with some foot stomping.  After that she wanted nothing to do with Andrew or I so she decided to walk alone and chart her own course which resulted in falling over a tree stump.  After that she had all her spunk removed and was workable.  Tonight we are going to the top of our hotel to eat western at the revolving restaurant.  Tomorrow morning is the orphanage visit for Selah.  We know we don't want to leave here without seeing her orphanage but kind of dreading what kind of melt down she might have.  We will then drive to the place she was abandoned and then possibly go for a cab drive out to see the countryside.  Andrew doesn't want to leave China without seeing some rural countryside.  Friday is packing and then flying back to Guangzhou which we are looking forward to getting back to.  There isn't a lot to do here, so we find ourselves getting rather crazy with these four walls.  Thanks for all your prayers as we continue to blend together as a family.

 

Panda at the zoo.

Pictures!

 Smog that causes headaches and sore throats.

 Sweet potatoe vendors.

 Chess on the street.

 Selah Grace Ruihe Miller

 She is quite the whirlwind and keeps my parents on their toes!

 The curls are fake but she melts my heart!

 Checking out Baba's phone.

 Enjoying the park together on a day with little smog.

 New apartment buildings going up.

 Experiencing a park.

 Quality time with Baba.

 Its official, she's adopted!

 Shane celebrated his 14th birthday on Saturday. My parents gave him a watch and someone brought a cake over.



Bonding as much as possible.

Hefei

Last night we arrived to Selah's provincial city Hefei.  It's an industrial city of 5 million people.  We walked around this morning and came back with burning throats and headaches.  Smog is really bad. How do these people live in this?  Fresh air will not be taken for granted again!  There is little English signs in this city and no one is fluent at our hotel.  So our day has been stuck in our hotel room because of the smog and no way to communicate what we want out there with a son who can't communicate with us and who doesn't want to do anything because it's all new.  No new games, no swimming pool, no city walks, no interaction with us, and no smiles.  You can say it's been a hard day for all of us!  Today it's also soaking in that we are going to be in China for longer than expected due to paperwork for Shane and we are missing our kids in America.  Tomorrow morning is gotcha day for Selah Grace Ruihe.  So the next 3 days will be busy with paperwork.  Then Thursday or Friday we hope to visit her orphanage.  Saturday we will fly back to Guangzhou to finish the rest of our time.  There isn't much sight seeing to do here besides a museum and walking the city which is so interesting.  Sweet potatoe vendors carts, deep fried chicken feet, and lots of other food we don't reckonize.  Hopefully my daughter can post pictures to the blog later to share with you some of what we are seeing.   Overall it's been a great time so far.

Adjusting

Yesterday we went to the park which is a beautiful place.  Shane Lin helped us figure out how to go for a paddle boat ride around the pond.  About half way through the ride he started shutting down so we soon headed back to the hotel where he zoned out for awhile with TV in his language.  Last night a sweet guide Lily took us out for dinner at an American place and even bought the dinner for us.  She broke down and cried I think probably because most people don't want to adopt older children and she has worked so hard to make this all happen for Shane and seen so many miracles in the process.  Today is Shane 14th birthday.  We have a cake coming soon and will celebrate in a small way to not overwhelm him any more.  He was able to call his foster mom this morning who he is missing really bad.  He is grieving a lot today.  Then after lunch we are checking out to fly to Hefei for a week to pick up Selah on Monday and do all the paperwork up there.  We will then return to Guangzhou for the rest of the process.  We don't know what our internet situation will be like up there but will keep you posted if we can.  We was able to Skype with our Washington kids today for the first since we were having problems getting everything to work.  That was so nice to see and hear their voices and see that everything is going good there like I knew it would be.

                 Introducing Shane Lin Miller.  Gotcha day was January 14, 2015.  

 

 Signing yes to be adopted.

 Found a Washington apple in China!

 Playing basketball in the city. Great bonding time!

 Shane skyping Lily from Montana, who came from the same orphanage..

Brothers. 

Finally here

So much has happened since we landed in Ch*na Monday night.  The first thing was none of our luggage arrived and it was 11:30pm and we were so tired after flying for over 24 hours and not sleeping much at all.  Then when we got to our hotel which by the way is a awesome place to stay we found out that the U.S. consulate had located a half brother which doesnt live in Ch*na and they need him to sign off before releasing a passport for Shane.  This is proving to be a fight to the very end!  Tuesday was a much better day with being able to rest and our luggage arrived which made everything better.  Our travel approval was cleared at 4:59pm on Tuesday which made it possible to have a Wednesday gotcha day.  Tuesday we discovered that the VPN that we had in place didn't work why it did Monday night we will never know.  So we didn't know that we had received our TA or about what was happening with the half brother.   Wednesday we spent walking the city and getting a feel for where everything is.  Then at 3:30 we met our new son who we have fought so hard to make ours.  It was an experience that I don't think I will ever forget.  He has a sweet personality and so willing to please.  The language barrier is hard for him and the city seems to overstimulate him so we are spending a lot of time in our room right now.  Today the moment we have waited on for weeks finally arrived when he signed the paper to become ours.  He had a choice but he was brave and said yes to the unknown.  Tomorrow we apply for his passport believing that all papers will be done in time for a consulate appointment the last week of January.  Saturday we will celebrate his birthday and fly to Hefei in the afternoon.  Prayers for the language and for him to feel safe with us.  And then there's the whole TV issue which some who have adopted older kids know what I'm talking about.  He would rather watch TV then anything else but we are trying to bond and also walk a fine line of knowing when you can start placing boundaries in place.  Right now we have been having problems getting pictures in our blog so I will send them at a later time.

It's here!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow morning we leave.  Is it real??  So many emotions going on here by leaving four kids at home and taking one along and then picking up two more.  I've had my moments today that have been very emotional!!  We were given a rough schedule today of our time in Ch*na.

Here's our schedule for China:

Jan. 12th, fly into Guangzhou
Jan. 13th, rest if we can't get Travel Appointment
Jan. 14th, Shane's Gotcha date
Jan. 15th, adoption paperwork
Jan. 16th, passport application
Jan. 17th, fly to Hefei
Jan. 18th, city tour
Jan 19th Selah's gotcha day
Jan. 19th to Jan. 22th, adoption paperwork and city tour
Jan. 23th, fly back to Guangzhou
Jan. 24th to Jan. 30th, visa process and city tour
Jan. 31th to Hong Kong

We leave tomorrow morning from Pasco airport at 9:20 am.  I think some are showing up there to say good-bye and have a prayer with us.  Anyone is welcome.  It has taken all of you to make all this happen.  These are your kids too!  Next post will be from CH*NA!!!!!!!!!!!   Thank you still hardly seems strong enough to express what we have felt and experienced from all of you.  We love you all!!

Moving Mountains

So much has happened in the last 24 hours!  The National Visa Center today, after many hours of waiting on the phone and receiving literality 100's of busy phone signals, finally released a pfd for us so we could start filling out another form to get visas for Shane and Selah.  Another huge praise is the US consulate office in China said things are okay to proceed with adopting Shane.  We have no idea if they found their answers or not but are looking at it as a green light.  It has been crazy around here with Andrew deciding to build a table and built in benches since he had a little time.  He works best at the 11th hour unlike me.  So now I have piles to pack, lists to complete, saw dust, and drilling noises all over the house.  We will try to do our best to update our blog while in country but if not the girls will be taking over.  This blog is a place for a timeline of events and happenings that we can later share with Shane and Selah so if you are looking for something far out then you will have to find it on another blog.  Never had any desire to be a blogger!!!

Tickets Purchased!!

Today we was given clearance from Lifeline to book our tickets for a Jan 14 or Jan 15 gotcha day for Shane and Jan 19 for Selah.  We are still missing documents and the US consulate still has to release some stuff but we are traveling in faith believing that everything will be wrapped up in time.  It has been a whirlwind of a month of expediting with small moments of rest here and there.  This real and it's happening!!

Another hiccup

We heard this morning that the US consulate in Ch*na will not release Shane's visa because they want the CCCWA to look for living grandparents.  Lovely!!!  Why this wasn't done before he was put on the list to be adopted we don't know.  Now this puts us on plan C for travel.  Lifeline is setting a Jan 16 gotcha day in hopes that everything will happen in time.  We know that God knew about this little hiccup from the very beginning and He's has got it all under control even it can look impossible.  Shane's going to have quite a testimony someday because we believe we will be there in time.  Everyone's kind words and spoken belief that this will happen has been a great blessing to us.  Thanks for praying and believing with us!

Still waiting........

How long will I have to post a title of still waiting???  Today has been a day that I've been jumping at every ring or beep on my phone waiting to hear from our social worker.  Lifeline has been working diligently to make sure we are in country on time.  Our I800 application was finally found today and will be released from the lockbox on Wed.  Overnighted to the national visa place with hopes that we can be wrapping everything up by Friday.  Another huge praise is that we are officially 100% funded even for expensive last minute flights!!  Thank you!!

Information

If you are new to adoption then you maybe haven't heard about what will happen when we return back to America.  A welcome home at the airport by all our family and friends will depend on how well our children adjusting while in country.  We will make that call and keep you posted closer to the time on that.  We will want to see all of you who have supported us on this journey but have to remember it's not about us.  Here's a letter to help explain what the weeks following will look like for our family.

Dear friends and family,

We wanted to write to let you know a little about what this transition period is going to look like for our family – and how you can help!

Because our children are new to us being their mom and dad, we will have some strict boundaries for the first few months. If you’re someone who we will see regularly at home, church, or just out and about, please take the time to read these thoughts on attachment:

Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need, communicates that need, and a primary caretaker meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby – which teaches him/her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will ultimately give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. For our children, they are about to experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of their birth country. When they come home, they will be overwhelmed by this loss. Everything around them will be new and they will need to learn not just about a new environment, but also about love and family. They have not experienced God’s design for a family in an orphanage setting.  Their world will turn upside down. They may struggle with feeling safe and secure and may lack the ability to trust that we will meet their needs.

The good news is that, with the Holy Spirit, we can now, as their forever parents, rebuild attachment and help them heal from these emotional wounds. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, cuddle, instruct, soothe and feed them.  As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once they begin to establish this important bond with us, they will then be able to branch out to other healthy relationships.

Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on personal experience, research, and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what I believe is best to help them heal from the early interruptions that they had in attachment as effectively as possible.

While some of this may seem like overkill or even sound a little bit crazy, we hope that you will understand and trust that we are doing this to give our children an ideal environment to become a secure, well adjusted, and confident children. We can’t give an exact timeline on what this will look like or at what point I’ll say that they are “attached” to us. This takes time and every child is different. We hope and pray that this transition will be smooth, but given the huge amount of new sights, people, and experiences awaiting them in America, we don’t know what to expect.

Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an incredible and vital role in helping our children to settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults who are around our children limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with a young child who you are around frequently. This will (for a while) include things like holding or excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses, high fives, or a pat on the back is perfectly appropriate and welcomed! They should know that the people with whom they interact with are our trusted friends.

Another area (probably the biggest as we’ll be keeping them close to us for the first few months) is redirecting their desire to have their physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet those needs.

Former orphans often have had so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have our children hugged and cherished by ALL of you. But until they have had a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them back to us if you see that they are seeking out food or comfort from anyone but us. It is totally fine to let them hug you, but please don’t pick them up or hold them on your lap.

Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are so grateful to have a community of friends that will help our children feel loved, safe, and secure. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family and circle of friends for them. Thank you so much for your love and support over this adoption process.

Love,

Andrew, Sherrie, & family

 

Waiting..............

Yesterday we found out that our I800 are still waiting on clearance from our officer in Missouri who hasn't been in all week.  Kind of beginning to believe that she must be on vacation.  So we have moved on to plan B for travel which is a Jan 12 gotcha day for Shane if all goes well.  If no then it will be plan C which will be traveling the day before his birthday.  I don't even want to talk about plan D because that would mean that we wouldn't be there in time to bring him home.  At this point Lifeline doesn't have any reason to believe that we wont be there in time.  Yesterday we were advised to be sitting on go.  How do you be ready to travel in 24 hours at all times with a family of seven?  This morning Lily Crist, who advocated for Shane, sent us an email that Shane had sent to her.

This message was just what we needed this morning when you start to wonder if you are doing the right thing in removing a young man from everything he has known.  I'm saving this because we may need to reread this over and over in the next few weeks.  So while we wait we are going to have the opportunity to meet with some people who live in Ch*na and are visiting the states, get our carpets stretched and cleaned (crazy to do this I know but it doesn't look any easier after we get home), start building a table for 9+, and enjoy some relaxing family time.  Happy New Year to each one!!